Finding More — Jenny’s Experience


Throughout most of my life, I felt like there was something important that I was missing; the problem was that I did not know what that “something” was… It was like an intangible shadow of an idea following me around, constantly gently hinting at me that what I’m living was not all there is. Everything around me was “business as normal,” my life wasn’t particularly unpleasant or physically lacking in any way. I had all the opportunities I needed to get ahead in life. But that feeling would always be there, poking its head out a tiny bit more every so often…

Without even realizing it, I slowly began searching through various spiritual systems to try and understand what it was I was looking for. I met many people, attended various classes, read many books, bought a great deal of “spiritual” chachkas, and although it all felt unique and interesting to go through, that feeling was not vanquished and besides perhaps feeling a sort of gladness at partaking in things that were metaphysical and fascinating, I felt like I still wasn’t satisfied…

Giving a talk on Astral Travel and Dreams at the library in Toronto
Giving a talk on Astral Travel and Dreams at the library in Toronto

As I was going through different wellness, mind-body-spirit, and metaphysical circles, I chanced upon the teachings of Gnosis, via a tiny class taught at a local library. I had no idea that attending that class would be so life-changing. Suddenly, things took on a whole new meaning and perspective. Gnosis finally helped me to put my finger on what that “something” was, and learn to explore it. The simple techniques I learned in those library classes propelled me to seek answers from within, to seek truth, understand what life was all about, understand my past and consequent future, learn the impact of my actions and choices in life, and also how to find peace with myself — how to put that “something” to rest, assuring I finally understood what it was leading me towards all along.

In retrospect, my experience with The Gnostic Movement, both as a student of the different courses and later as a teacher, was a rare opportunity that I am honored and grateful to have been a part of. From the very first course I attended, a course on Astral Travel and Dreams, I gained so much self-confidence to become a student of life. The course itself was an incredible experience too – it was so inspiring to find a room full of people, bustling with enthusiasm at the possibility of discovering whether it was possible to have a conscious experience out of the body; a warm community where people shared their experiences and encouraged each other to attain experiences through the various exercises in the class; a knowledgeable and experienced instructor who helped me so much along my learning process; and a load of hands-on exercises to explore — life got a lot more interesting.

Jordan and I at a winter retreat[
Jordan and I at a winter retreat
Beyond the learning and experiences I was acquiring through what I was studying, I was also getting to know many people who came along to the courses as well and with whom I had many shared interests. I made many new friends, one of whom later became my husband — we’ve been inseparable for the last 10 years.

I also liked Mark (Belzebuub) as a writer — someone whom at the beginning I only knew as an author of the courses (as the internet was only a fledgling back then, so really if anything you just got to know people mostly by reading about them or from them). Reading his articles, I liked his straight-forward approach to subjects that can typically fill pages with flowery and over-embellished spiritual lingo. He laid it all out simply, but there was a perceptible strength in his instruction too – a peaceful strength that you picked up on when reading the weekly course topics. I liked that quality about him. The techniques that he taught made me feel and understand that these spiritual subjects are not just things to read, but something I could use in life. Later on, when meeting him in person and working with him, I was even more impressed with his character – peaceful, honest, humble, funny, direct, and down to earth.

His manner of teaching reminds me of a part on one of the Gnostic Gospels where Jesus is disguised as a merchant selling pearls:

“And having said these things, he cried out, “Pearls! Pearls!” The rich men of that city heard his voice. They came out of their hidden storerooms. And some were looking out from the storerooms of their houses. Others looked out from their upper windows. And they did not see (that they could gain) anything from him, because there was no pouch on his back nor bundle inside his cloth and napkin. And because of their disdain they did not even acknowledge him. He, for his part, did not reveal himself to them. They returned to their storerooms, saying, “This man is mocking us.”
~ The Acts of Peter and the Twelve Apostles

I feel that within the time I spent with The Gnostic Movement, I have been given something truly wonderful, a precious gift, a tiny “pearl”. I am so grateful today to be sharing this experience with others, and at the same time a bit saddened that because The Gnostic Movement no longer exists the learning and opportunities I’ve had within it are no longer accessible to others.


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