I participated in the courses provided by The Gnostic Movement for approximately 8 years. The courses, and all of the information provided, was given free of charge. Over that time, the teachings, and the way that they were provided by Belzebuub, has helped me immensely in my own personal growth and development. Belzebuub’s dedication and tireless efforts in providing the teachings to the world has meant that I have been able to do this without fear of judgement, persecution, or financial burden.

During this time he has dedicated his life to providing this information for any person, any background, and any race, so that people can make their own choices on how they wish to live a spiritually-enriched and purposeful life.

Always giving his time and his experience to any person that would ask for help, Belzebuub has never once asked any of those people for any type of payment, financial or otherwise. He provided his spiritual insights and experience to the world through the internet, running weekly talks and feedback sessions, and providing them for download to the public from his own website. All of these are provided free of charge.

I have also experienced firsthand the care, dedication and love he has shown for any individual who may have had the chance to meet him at the spiritual retreats that The Gnostic Movement regularly ran in the past. He possesses unmatched qualities of compassion for and understanding of each individual, allowing him to help each person grow and develop spiritually, in their own time and at their own pace. He does this in a form that is simple, clear, and easy to understand.

I have known him for approximately 13 years now, starting in 2003, through my involvement in The Gnostic Movement in Australia. During this period, I have spent time with Mark on both a personal and official capacity within the Movement.

My association with Mark started in an online capacity through email, while taking the courses that were offered on ‘Mysticweb’ at the time. Over the coming years, I developed a closer friendship with Mark, helped with different tasks, and spent time with him in various ways.

Mark has always welcomed me into his home and and at all times has shown a great care and respectfulness for all of those people around him. I would consider him to be a true and loyal friend of mine. Even in difficult circumstances he has always made time for me and has personally helped me through many of life’s tough draw-cards. His gentle nature and unobtrusive demeanor can be seen by anyone that has spent time with him, and at all times Mark has been honest, trustworthy, and dependable.

On an official level, coming through the different courses of The Gnostic Movement and being a volunteer within the organization meant that I have had a professional relationship with Mark too. I have worked closely with him on web projects, developing his website and adding changes where they were needed. During these tasks, he was always very understanding when things went wrong, or when there were time delays and so on with the projects. Instead of being only concerned with the outcomes of the projects, and getting agitated and worried when things went wrong, his behavior was quite the opposite. He was always asking how I was doing, making sure that I was getting enough rest and was healthy. He would also help me to find much simpler solutions to problems, without all the stress and worry.

That care and understanding that he showed towards me, I have not seen in any other supervisor that I have worked with in my career as an IT Manager.

Cameron P

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I came across The Gnostic Movement (TGM) through an Internet search for astral travel. I was about 19 and had felt the urge to discover what was going on ‘behind the veil’ of life for a few years; this had brought me in contact with various different schools of philosophical thought and spiritually-intentioned practice. I had tried yoga, Buddhist meditation, chanted along with the Hare Krishnas, been in contact with pagan groups and joined ‘spiritual healing’ courses. But nothing had quenched my appetite. When I heard about astral travel I was amazed and immediately set about trying to find people to teach me. It felt like a huge leap into the direction I had decided I needed to base my spiritual search: to have my own metaphysical experiences rather than depending on archaic teachings, religions, or new age schools, which very often seemed too obscure or limited in their scope. From my first contact with TGM I had a sense it was something different and special. The clarity, integrity and scope of the teachings set it apart.

It took me a long time to struggle free from the destructive forces that were at play in my early twenties to fully participate in the Gnostic school. I signed up to the courses online but it took me a few tries to complete them, getting ‘lost’ half way, but always feeling my conscience nagging me to go back and to go further. It was the very techniques I was learning in TGM that helped me overcome these destructive forces. Eventually I moved to be close to the first in-person study group that had opened in the UK. I started to attend weekly classes in a library. I was full of anticipation meeting other Gnostic students and teachers for the first time. The teachers left a good impression on me, but in general the group was in the first stages of setting up. I heard stories about the centres in Australia and how lively and full of activity they were – I felt like I had to go there to take the next step in my inner work.

By the time I had got to Australia I had completed the Gnostic Wisdom course, which really explained the crux of the Gnostic work and what it entails from a person to make happen. It became clearer to me that this school had something unique. The teachings felt alive, powerful and yet gentle (as in they were never forced upon me and I never felt I needed to believe or obey anything). That the Movement didn’t charge for any of its teachings inherently felt right to me – I had been quite sickened by the way spirituality is often merged with commerce. The emphasis on personal esoteric experience and internal understanding over blind dogma and devotion also rung a chord with me.

In the centres and retreats I attended in Australia I met a whole community of people I felt a huge affinity with and who were tangible examples of the way the inner Gnostic work can shape people into better human beings. The goodwill between everyone was apparent. The energies and atmospheres created from group meditations and the combined effect of many individuals striving for spiritual change were something new for me – I had never felt this in a group of people before, and had always longed for this interaction based on higher things. The practices I was taught helped me get in contact with new spiritual feelings and realities. I felt like what was asked of me to progress in the organisation was exactly what I genuinely wanted to cultivate within myself – honesty, love, generosity, compassion and a strong will to put towards helping humanity. All this combined to help me know for certain I had found a group I wholeheartedly trusted with my spiritual education and to shape my life. I am still incredibly grateful I found it and can’t imagine the sense of lack I would feel without it.

When I returned to the UK I joined the (now much more active) centre in London and when that closed down to relocate to Edinburgh, I relocated with it. During this time I started to learn more about the inner workings of the Movement and had reached the point of wanting to train to become a teacher. I started to become more involved with the running of the Edinburgh centre, helping to organise activities, willingly donating funds and giving more of my time to help spread the teachings. All of this came from my own impetus. My understanding of Mark/Belzebuub as a spiritual teacher also developed quietly, gradually and naturally. As I read more of his work, heard him speak and listened to other people’s accounts of him and mostly, grew in appreciation for what the Gnostic Movement was, I naturally became more and more inquisitive about the head of the organisation. His guidance was always a massive source of inspiration and strength for myself and everyone who understood the worth of his teachings. The more I looked and inquired, the more I realised that the Gnostic Movement was a vehicle for a very divine teaching, and teacher.

It was just as I was beginning to imagine that I could reach the level needed to become a trainee and teacher that the Movement closed. I understand better now why that happened. I am regretful I didn’t make more out of the time it was around.

My experience with The Gnostic Movement was nothing short of life changing and immensely positive. It was a unique time in my life, which provided me with a very nourishing and nurturing environment to explore spirituality. Though it has gone, the teachings of Belzebuub continue to flourish and continue to guide and inspire – this was always the core of the Gnostic Movement.

Ella K

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In the year 2002 I attended a free course on dreams and out of body experiences compiled by Mark (Belzebuub), run by The Gnostic Movement in Hawthorn, a suburb of Melbourne.

I was interested in this topic due to a past astral experience and was seeking to understand what I had experienced and learn how to re-create it.

I was very excited about going along, though a little nervous about attending the course alone and to be honest, I asked myself if there would be some kind of catch in a free course? But I refused to allow doubts to stop me from going.

I attended the course and I found the lectures and practices really interesting and verified for me the legitimacy of the information, because the description of an out-of-body experience (the astral plane) matched precisely the past experience I had had. And I also began to have further astral experiences and gain an understanding of what it was that I was experiencing. The teachers were very friendly and quite helpful in answering any questions, and as a woman attending the courses alone I felt very comfortable and never felt vulnerable.

The information that was presented was given in a way where you could explore it for yourself if you chose to, and the lectures were in no way dogmatic.

The courses were free, there was a donations box discretely placed, and donations were accepted but not expected. No one was put under any pressure to donate money. I gained more and more wonderful experiences and I wanted to give a donation when I could for these teachings because I saw a great value in them and wanted to support the people who were so giving of themselves.

I felt comfortable, was gaining valuable experiences and learning lots, so decided to attend the other courses, which I continued until the closure of The Gnostic Movement. The other courses were on the topics of self-knowledge and of how to lead a spiritual life that included marital fidelity as part of the spiritual work.

There were strict principles surrounding this topic and you could see this in the way that the coupled teachers related to each other and the respect they showed to the students. They were so loving and loyal to each other and (through example) showed that they followed this principle. This left a strong impression on me because it is not such a common thing these days.

These teachings were very valuable, they enabled me to experience things that are unimaginable, tapping in to other realms of existence and they gave me the opportunity to explore the meaning of life which left a very positive impression on me. It enabled me to verify experiences from my life in the past, which I could not explain before. With this guidance they became clear.

I heard very positive things about the author Belzebuub (Mark) from the teachers and students but the opportunity to meet him never arose during my time attending classes and helping out. I feel that the teachings of The Gnostic Movement were such a precious gift and were a genuine reflection and representation of how Mark is and what he stands for.

Penny B

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Finding the courses online

In the summer of 2005, I was searching the internet for information on dreams and out-of-body experiences. I wanted to know more as I had several experiences which I could not place as a young child. My search led me to the site called Mysticweb.org where an online lectures in dreams was offered for free. The free aspect stood out from the start, quite unique in these times, so I enrolled. I had to wait some time for the new round to begin which allowed me to get my hands on a copy of the Astral Travel and Dreams book that accompanied the course. Once the course started, the website changed to Gnosticweb.com.

Life as an online student

The content in the course was clear and there was also an emphasis on being very practical and doing the exercises instead of just reading. I took this very seriously and was determined to at least have one experience during this round. The book suggested that it should be possible to have an out-of-body experience within the course’s time frame if I put in the effort, and so that is what I did. As a result I had my first lucid dream a few weeks into the course.

The forums were always abuzz which made it sometimes hard to keep up with all that was going on. Questions were answered quickly and often the teachers would clarify things from their experience. Here, it first dawned on me that some people had a deep understanding of dreams and OBEs, much deeper than other people I spoke to outside TGM.

I loved the course and towards the end I realised that my astral experiences were going to be limited due to my own psychology. Naturally, I took the Self-Knowledge course to learn more. I learned about awareness, self-observation and how these can give self-knowledge as well as bring clarity. At the time I struggled to get a feel for how both work because I took a very mental approach towards it. Often I would resort to the forums for clarification where students or teachers helped me to try a different approach.

Later in the Gnostic Wisdom course I was taught about the more esoteric parts of the work which includes the technique to eliminate the egos. I remember receiving that specific lesson of the course early in the morning. I was surprised how simple the technique was. Being determined to apply it as much as I could that day, I went for it, and that same night I had a dream where I was asking for the elimination/inner-death over and over again. It shocked me and was a great lesson which I understood only later. It was a reflection of how I was applying it and what I should change.

It was difficult as an online student to talk to others outside the program of my experiences or struggles, leaving me sometimes with a feeling of isolation. I also noticed that going against the egos was like leading a different life than the one I was living. Many activities in my life involved feeding pleasure or were obstructing my own spiritual growth. Stopping these and aiming for change within resulted in some of my friends dropping away and for circumstances in my life to change. This was difficult as I did not understand fully what I put in motion. Again, those on the forums helped me a great deal which I’m very grateful for.

The Wales Retreat

I understood that being an online student could only get me so far, so when the opportunity arose, I attended the retreat in Wales — my first one in 2007 and second in 2008. It was truly amazing to meet so many people that are all searching for spiritual knowledge. Everyone was very welcoming and there seemed to be this care for each other. Here, many doubts regarding gnosis were taken away, and I saw the people around me actually living these teachings. How cool is that!

Attending the Melbourne Center

After finishing my university degree in September 2009, I traveled to Australia to visit the Gnostic centers. Before my travels I was attending the Trainee Teachers Course online; therefore, I could join the new round in Melbourne. I loved every moment of being there as there was so much learning going on. I tried to help out wherever possible. Firstly with little things like preparing the center and cleaning. Later I had the opportunity to give a lecture. Having to wait before I could teach showed me that it was important to gain experience with the various practices. Once someone has a strong foundation, they are in a better position to show others. Personal experiences speak from person to person while intellectual knowledge is limited.

I attended the International Australian Retreat in 2009. The month prior to the retreat, there was a large emphasis on building momentum with our own practices. This way everyone would go to the retreat with this strength and experience behind them in order to gain more as well as support others. This really helped me to start the retreat on the right note. Several things stood out in particular. One being the silence that I managed to attain in a visualization practice. I never knew I could get my mind so focused. Second being the peace I had after the retreat. As the theme of the retreat was investigation, I chose to investigate peace. Throughout the retreat I lacked it, struggled to be in the moment and to observe. Only after the retreat when I drove back with my car, an incredible sense of peace came over me. I couldn’t believe it — everything around me looked so alive, vivid and beautiful. Where did this amazing feeling come from? Luckily it stayed with me the entire day and I felt so happy. In retrospect, this retreat was mainly about learning and overcoming obstacles. I can recall many people saying they faced difficulties of some kind. It is hard to put into words, but times like these create a special bond between people, like a sort of brotherhood. Many became good friends which I’m still in contact with.

The Perth Center

In June 2009 I arrived in Perth where I attended the center for almost 3 months as by then my visa ran out. As the team was small, many opportunities came up to help, like postering, preparing the center before a lecture, and supporting the teachers during weekend events. I learned more about being responsible, taking initiative, and working with others. At the same time I was given to opportunity to support the Technical team with fixing issues on new websites. It was great for learning new skills in web development.

Every weekend advanced practice sessions for the teachers and trainee teachers took place. These allowed me to go deeper into the various practices, to experience more clarity and focus. At certain weekend evenings, we’d come together to spend the night exploring a practice. The level of activity as well as the structured approach were key elements in allowing me to experience what I did.

Gnostic Retreat Monastery

At the end of September, I returned to my hometown where I felt a great longing to return to a center. I missed the activity along with the opportunities to help out. I wished to live close to a group again which became a reality after the Slovakian retreat in August 2010. Soon after the retreat I moved to Edinburgh to support the Gnostic Monastery. I appreciated the amount of effort the teachers made to start up and run such a grand project. The castle was amazing and even had a tower. With each retreat you could feel the place become more vibrant. At this point I heard of certain former participants who turned against Mark (Belzebuub) and TGM but did not understand the full extent of what was happening. In February 2011 the Movement suddenly closed and only then I understood how significant it really was.

In summary, my time with The Gnostic Movement brought me some of the most life-changing circumstances, from the mystical experiences to the valuable lessons learned by helping others. In spite of it not being around anymore, I’m thankful for having found it and for the deeper meaning and purpose it gave my life. That is something which can’t be taken away.

Roy S

Back to People’s Experiences

I was very interested in spirituality and the possibility of reaching the union with the divine for many years. My interest was finally put into practice when a family member took me to a TM course where I learned to meditate. I was very young and didn’t know what I wanted but I knew that I wanted to explore life deeper as I always felt that there is more to life than what we can see.

Although in the TM practice there was a focus on the psychological aspect of oneself I felt that wasn’t enough and that the psychological aspect should make up a substantial part of the spiritual work. So I continued to search and at some point I was a member of an online group that was aiming to support women to change psychologically. I learned a lot about the self change and was given some useful techniques to practice. This comprised of being aware of one’s emotions and drives and to really look into what is behind our desires. Although this approach was very useful I realised that the change seemed to be quite superficial. Through this group I found out about meetup.com and soon after I looked it up in order to join a spiritual group, especially as I wanted to be a part of a group where I could practice with other people. This led me to TGM and at that time they held a course in meditation in one of the libraries in London. I’ll go there and see if I could learn another way of meditating or I could just join with others in their practice, I thought to myself.

The meditation course had finished and the next course was in Astral Travel. I knew very little about it but I really wanted to experience that world and I somehow knew that it was a very real place and that it’s just a matter of practice and I would be able to explore this hidden side of our life. I practised very hard every night before going to sleep and after about the third week I had my first clear astral experience. It was a mind blowing experience and I remember spending all day being emotional and amazed that I had finally proven to myself that all this is real and that there is this amazing world out there that most of us are ignorant of. This experience was a very important step in my spiritual search but what I wanted more than anything at that time was to study my own psychology and to change significantly as I didn’t want to be the way I was, especially in terms of the inner drives and desires. I felt for many years that this was the reason why I had the experiences in life that I had and that it was the reason for some very unpleasant moments in my life.

When the teacher announced that the next course will be in Self-Discovery and Peace I was very excited to hear that. Finally I learned how to profoundly study myself and after some time I also got given a special technique, a tool that I was able to use to get rid of the things inside of me that were causing me so much suffering such as various fears and anger. I was very eager to study and reduce a very unpleasant emotion that was prevalent in my life at that time and because of the practices that I learned in this course, after a while I could see how these feelings were subsiding and I started to react in a different, calmer way. Some other very significant things happened around this time and I had this very strong feeling that I was at the right place and at the right time. It felt this was what I was meant to do with this life.

The London centre closed and quite few of us who were attending the courses decided to move up to Scotland, Edinburgh where a few teachers opened a new centre. I moved there at the beginning of 2011, but soon after TGM closed and since then we continued to practise the teachings of Gnosis. But it was evident that something was missing and that was the guidance and support that an esoteric school such as TGM can give to its students. It’s very difficult to practice and I can see now how a spiritual school like that is a crucial part in supporting and guiding people who want to change.

Tina N

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My experience with the Gnostic Movement began as an online student. At the time I was studying engineering at university. I was interested in having esoteric experiences, but had a skeptical mindset and thought it to be impossible for ordinary people. Nevertheless I was open to being wrong, and was happy to find Gnosticweb and its course on astral projection. Over the next two years I took all online courses, starting with Astral Travel and Dreams course.

The courses were practical. Every week there was an esoteric exercise to do, and during the week we gave feedback on how it went. Esoteric exercises included relaxation, awareness of the present moment, self-observation, mantras, as well as different types of meditation and concentration. These were not exercises that I did prior to finding the Gnostic Movement, but I still found them easy to understand and try. It was also encouraging to see results in terms of feeling new feelings, heightened awareness, as well as lucid and vivid dream experiences.

My first mystical experience happened only two weeks into the Astral Travel and Dreams course. I was relaxing my body. I lay down on my bed and was methodically going from head to toes, relaxing the different muscles. Suddenly I noticed I could see through my eyelids, through the house and into the night sky. The experience lasted only moments and I was back in my room, confused at what happened.

After the Astral Travel and Dreams course I took the Self Knowledge course. The focus was on learning my own psychology through the working of my mind and emotions. Prior to taking the course I did not realize the importance of understanding myself. I knew that I would sometimes do or say things that I would regret later on, and sometimes have difficult feelings like depression and anxiety. I also learned that I needed to have a good inner state to have mystical experiences. However, until that point I did not make any conscious efforts to change psychologically. The Self Knowledge Course changed all that. I could see better than ever the emotions, ways of thinking and feelings that were hindering me, and wanted to change them. The course was a life-changing experience and for many years I wanted to help others to take it.

I attended three international retreats. The first was in January 2008 in the Bunya Mountains of Australia. This was the first time I travelled to Australia (I am from Canada), went on any kind of retreat, and met people practising Gnosis. The retreat was an amazing experience; I learned as much from what was said as from meeting the people who taught.

Activities at the retreats were always geared towards improving the quality of practice of the exercises taught in the courses. We would practice meditation, go for an awareness walk, discuss how it went, and try again. It was also helpful to talk about the obstacles and experiences of other people, especially those who have more experience. I was particularly impacted by the members of the Gnostic Movement. I was impressed by the seriousness and dedication that they showed, while at the same time their gentleness and ability to give attention. I still remember to this day the attention that one of the members gave me, meticulously answering my questions over several hours.

The second and third retreat I participated in were in Oregon, USA. This was the first time I met Mark (Belzebuub) in person. Mark gave talks and guided exercises at the Oregon retreats of 2008 and 2009, both of which I attended. I valued highly the talks that Mark gave. He is able to talk about issues that affect people in a way that can be felt in the heart. I know it was not just me who respected what he said. The owner of the Oregon retreat facilities (who was not studying Gnosis) was also present during both retreats. I remember how impressed he was with the attention that everyone paid to Mark’s talks. He said that in all the years he ran the retreat facility he had never seen a group so attentive to a talk.

I was also very impressed with Mark as a person. Studying at university I met many people who were leaders in their fields and it was common to feel an air of superiority from them. I felt nothing of the kind from Mark. He was very humble as a person and had I not know about his expertise in spirituality I could have easily mistaken him for an ordinary person. I remember one time we sat at lunch at the same small table. It was when I just met Mark and I had too many thoughts on my mind to be able to ask him anything important. We ended up having a simple chat about the weather, Canada and my interest in spirituality.

I had more opportunities to speak to Mark after the Oregon retreat. He gave talks at the Bay Area Gnostic Center, joined social nights and holiday dinners, and sometimes came in just to talk. I was always grateful to meet with him. Conversation would often touch on a topic of the esoteric teachings, and the insights he shared were always very valuable.

I moved to California after the 2009 Oregon retreat to take part in the Bay Area Gnostic Center activities. I spent about two years at the Center as a student, volunteer, and later on as a teacher.

The time I participated at the Bay Area Gnostic Center was the most memorable time of my life. I met very unique people, made life-long friends, and grew as a person more than I have at any other point in my adult life. One of the biggest impacts of the time was learning how to overcome personal weaknesses.

I believe that people have their own weaknesses to blame for falling short of the mark in their lives. Facing and overcoming personal weakness was a big part of the teachings of Gnosis and the ways to go about this were explained in the courses, especially the Self Knowledge course.

I found this same teaching present in the voluntary activities of the Gnostic Movement. I noticed that in assisting the various projects of the Movement I had to give up personal habits that held me back as a person. Some examples include phobias of public speaking and various social situations, and learning new skills. The choice to volunteer was always up to me as there was never any pressure. I felt the benefits of volunteering and wanted to take part.

The Center ran two major courses: Astral Travel and Dreams as well as Self Knowledge. My main contribution to the running of the courses was through advertising, and for some time I organized the efforts for the Center.

We put notices on community websites, and posters in local shop windows. Postering was usually done on Saturdays: Teachers, trainee teachers, and members gathered at the Center in the morning, took posters and went to major streets of the area. Arriving at the street each person would visit each shop asking the shop owner to put a poster up in any visible space. Like this I walked through the high-street areas of much of San Francisco Bay Area. I enjoyed putting up posters. It was a chance to go for a day-long awareness walk with every shop a new opportunity to be in the present moment. If I managed to focus my mind during the day, then there would be a high chance of having a mystical experience later that night.

There was no charge for the courses and donations were never demanded, simply mentioned that they are accepted. At times I donated money to the Gnostic Movement and to the Bay Area Gnostic Center. I donated because I had enough and wanted to give. No money was ever asked of me.

I stayed in California until spring of 2011. I had met the woman who would be my future wife during a retreat in Edinburgh the previous Christmas, and so, after returning to the US I began making preparations to move to Scotland.

That was around the time when lies about the Gnostic Movement and Belzebuub began to be spread by a few former attendees. One of them contacted me through email. I knew enough about the Gnostic Movement and Mark to realize that what was being said were lies. Unfortunately I did not state the truth where I knew it, leaving it for others to do.

For a long time I regretted this decision. The lies and the people behind them persisted for years bringing much harm to Belzebuub and destroying the Gnostic Movement as a spiritual school. A lot was lost with the closure of the Gnostic Movement. The main thing I regretted is the loss of a truly benevolent organization where it was possible to truly assist others. I am very grateful for what I learned from the Gnostic Movement and hope that these opportunities will one day be available again.

Back to People’s Experiences

The Gnostic Movement was an organization focused around the teaching and practicing of spirituality and spiritual values. The techniques I learned, the friendships and relationships formed, and the long-lasting benefits, have filled my life with meaning and purpose. Some things struck me as amazing and remarkable right away, and other things have appeared so only in hindsight. In writing about some of my experiences below, I realized I could probably write a long book about all the great moments, insights, and times I had in The Gnostic Movement, but I’ll try to give enough to paint the character of The Gnostic Movement and those people who made it up.

Finding the Gnostic Movement

I found The Gnostic Movement in fall of 2004 through the Mysticweb website, and shortly thereafter through the courses on Gnosticweb.com. I was in my first year in college, and eager to explore my interests in a more concrete way. One of my main interests was spirituality, so I enrolled in meditation and tai chi classes offered by my college, and started searching online for any free resources, classes, and ebooks that I could find. I first discovered the free Astral Travel and Dreams course offered on Mysticweb, which I signed up for right away. I found I received a huge amount of support from teachers and from students alike. One thing that surprised me right away was the focus on experiential learning through spiritual practices. Unlike other sites I had found where people were very speculative about spiritual phenomena, citing books and experiences that they had no direct knowledge of, direct exploration was openly encouraged on Mysticweb. At the time, I didn’t really believe I could experience some of the things they talked about, such as astral projection, so I initially preferred to read about it. Nevertheless, I eagerly tried the practices and started to get results.

After having some of my first spiritual experiences including the experience of consciousness through mindfulness and meditation, and conscious out-of-body experiences, I quickly saw the value of this experiential approach. One single experience spoke volumes more than I could learn through book learning. Learning through spiritual experience had a very powerful impact on my life, as it was coming about through my own efforts and investigations and not through what someone else was telling me. I found this in stark contrast to college life where I was mostly required to learn, repeat, and use the theories of others, even if I disagreed with them.

Courses and Material

The cornerstone of The Gnostic Movement was spiritual practices such as meditation, mindfulness, mantras and astral projection. The teachings of Gnosis (or just “the teachings”) were used to supplement and explain spiritual experiences and phenomena that could result from the practices, and to help in setting goals to accomplish spiritual aims. One of my favorite chapters from the Astral Travel and Dreams book (now “The Astral Codex”), for example, was called “10 Tips for Astral Projection”, which went systematically through the top 10 things that can help someone astral project. Other topics explained what astral projection is, what kind of experiences are possible, and what astral projection can be used for. The book “The Peace of the Spirit Within” was a similarly practical book, oriented around practices and techniques to gain self-understanding and insight. Each chapter contained explanations on psychology, as well as a technique that would help to understand the topic more in depth.

The books were used in conjunction with courses, both online and in Gnostic Centers. The courses created a community of engaged learners, where we could each benefit from what the other learned. I often found myself both teaching and learning from others, in my role as a student, and later as a teacher. Even people who were coming for the first time had a lot to teach me. Everyone’s experiences were completely self-directed, and it was pretty much guaranteed that if someone put in efforts to learn, they would be rewarded by spiritual experience. The result of this is that those who became committed to spiritual practice were self-directed and driven people with a thirst for knowledge and understanding, both about themselves and the world.

The courses almost always involved a 10-30 minute guided spiritual practice. We would often get requests to publish a CD of guided spiritual practices because people enjoyed them so much. Some people came just for the practices, to experience stillness, rejuvenation, and relaxation.

The courses changed often. I wasn’t involved in planning the course material, but from my observation it seems that the courses were changed to keep the material fresh, and to experiment with different ways of teaching, learning, and practicing. When I first started attending lectures at the Berkeley Center in 2008, they consisted of a power-point presentation following the sequence of the books. Later, they were changed to more informal explanations, where the teachers would use their own words and understanding, and in other cases lectures were entirely omitted and the entire time was used to explain and run a practice session. On other occasions we ran courses on Christian Gnosticism, exploring the practical spiritual side of ancient Gnostic writings (primarily from the Nag Hammadi Library). Each change attracted different kinds of people with different backgrounds and life experiences.

People and Relationships

People of all religions and nationalities were welcomed to the center and the courses of The Gnostic Movement. Many students were involved in other spiritual groups and religious activities and were across a wide spectrum of values and ideas. So long as people were respectful and not disruptive to those who wanted to practice and learn, they were welcome. Among the teachers and members at the Berkeley center alone, I think we had representations from 6 or more countries, sometimes jokes were made about the group being like the United Nations. The students were likewise very diverse, spanning all different economic and age ranges.

Relationships in The Gnostic Movement were seen as something very useful for understanding oneself. It was taught that faults that you might see in others could be faults that you yourself had, and that through interactions with others you could learn a great deal about your own inconsistencies and faults. Looking at relationships in this way encouraged people to take responsibility for their own emotions and problems, and to look within for answers as well. In my own life, this led to a dramatic shift in my relationship with my sister. As a result of applying the techniques from the self-knowledge course, I saw that for most of my sister’s life I had been a very cruel brother: we would play together and have fun, but I would often tease her, say demeaning things to her, or manipulate her to get my way (she was no angel either, by the way). I immediately changed my behavior and decided to overcome the ‘egos’ that would become annoyed or frustrated, and the result was dramatic! Overnight we stopped fighting, and although she initially resented me for becoming ‘less fun’, today we have a much closer and trusting relationship because of it, and she both acknowledges and appreciates the way I changed.

The relationship between a husband and wife was seen as the most sacred kind of relationship, and the most useful for spiritual development. It was very seriously emphasized that people’s choice of a partner and decisions within a relationship were to be absolutely respected. In fact, even giving relationship advice was pretty much frowned upon, so as to not interfere with free will and the sacredness of relationships. General advice could be freely given, but not specific advice. I recall Belzebuub leading by example in this way during his talks, being very careful to not give specific advice to people about their relationships so as to not interfere.

Because of the techniques taught by The Gnostic Movement, my relationship with my wife has continuously improved over the 4+ years we’ve been together, becoming more loving and understanding, with great improvements in communication as well. By understanding myself and the internal causes of suffering, I’ve also grown to care more for others, including family and even strangers. By doing practices, gaining spiritual experience, and reading diverse spiritual texts from varying tradition, I’ve gained a deeper appreciation (and even reverence) for the world’s diverse religions and beliefs.

Meeting Belzebuub

In February 2008 I had the opportunity to meet Mark, who writes under his spiritual name as Belzebuub, in person for the first time. He was well-dressed, in a button-up shirt, and soft-spoken. He didn’t attract much attention to himself, and didn’t seem interested in having a flock of followers (something he’s stated specifically on a number of occasions). His demeanor was very calm, and at times he had a subtle, almost mischievous, sense of humor. When asked questions, he was very deliberate and precise in answering them, and never belittled people for what seemed to me to be stupid questions. The day I met him he had just gotten a new DSLR camera, and asked me to take some pictures with it. I was surprised he asked me, surprised that he trusted me with it, and surprised that he figured I would know how to use it. I was very new to photography. Although he was set to lecture, he gave me a few photography tips. Later, the incident prompted me to learn more about photographic technique, something that has become very useful for me in my design work and life in general (I’ve photographed 4 weddings since then).

Mark defied my concepts of him a couple of times. I had this particular way of thinking about spirituality that involved giving up everything else, anything that wasn’t ‘spiritual’, and becoming something of a hermit. However, I found him encouraging of people’s talents and aspirations, whether it be singing, getting a college degree, or learning new design techniques. I also thought that he would be too busy to really bother much with people, but he took the time to speak with people that had questions without a hint of irritation. I had thought Mark would expect a lot from people and take their work as a matter of course, but I witnessed Mark being very appreciative of help, whether it be a new idea or innovation, prayers, or general hard work and maintenance of the center. In fact, I do believe any time something was done well or with care, he made a point to appreciate it and was very vocal about his appreciation.

Mark had a high standard of quality, and asked for things to be done well and with care. Practically, this meant that attention and care was put into every detail of the center, websites, and advertisements, whether it was the design of the sign in forms, the finesse of a paint-job, or the general tidiness of the center. In the case of The Gnostic Movement, quality was seen as very important, as it showed professionalism and put us on an even-playing field with commercially run spiritual groups, groups with large budgets and cash-flow that could afford the best decorators, designers, and marketers. Exercising this level of care later became useful in my professional life, as I accustomed myself to a higher standard of working.

In every interaction I’ve had with Mark he has been friendly, approachable, respectful, and generous with his time. I’ve only met him in-person about a half-dozen times, but based on what I have seen, I would say he is a first-class gentlemen.

Advanced Information

For people that had gone through the introductory classes on astral projection and self knowledge, advanced classes were made available. The first of these was the “Journey to Enlightenment” course (known by other names later on). In the advanced courses, new practices were introduced that required more explanation, such as alchemy/tantrism and the elimination of the psychological defects. Other topics were also covered that, while common in religious teachings, were unpopular in new age circles, topics such as the existence of hell or the harm that hallucinogenic drugs can cause to one’s spiritual journey. Some of the topics covered were beyond what someone could expect to experience in a 9-week course, and instead showed the potential of the information to create a real spiritual transformation that would take many years of study to accomplish. During this course, it was always encouraged to take the information with a grain of salt, and not to turn the information into a belief, but to investigate it for oneself and see what was true. The first chapter of the book “Secret Knowledge, Hidden Wisdom” spoke at length about how to approach the information in a practical way and not fall into a trap of blind belief.

Even though the information was more theoretical and painted a ‘bigger picture’ of spirituality overall, it still followed the form of the other courses in offering a weekly practice, but this time with practices that built on those taught in earlier courses, for example the technique to disintegrate the egos, which required practical experience with self-observation, and meditation techniques that built on exercises taught in the Astral Travel and Dreams course.

Providing the advanced course after the first two allowed students to form a base of experience, so that when they learned the new course material, they had context for the new concepts and practices.

Advanced Practices

After the Journey to Enlightenment course, there was usually an advanced practice group in which people would meet and focus exclusively on exploring the practices they had learned, and applying them in everyday life. One time we used a meditation technique called “the duality” to understand ourselves better throughout the day. Another time, the focus was on experiencing and learning about the quality of love, and using the various practices at our disposal to do so. Having understood the whole framework of the teachings of gnosis in the previous course, the advanced practice group brought the focus back to practice and experience.

After joining the teacher’s course, more advanced practices were made available, such as all-night practices at the center and mini-retreats. On weekends we would have mini-retreats at local parks, focusing on being in the present moment in a beautiful outdoor setting for most of the day. It was a healthy and rejuvenating time, and a good time among friends, as well. At night we would have an all-night practice, which involved waking up two or three times during the night to practice mindfulness for a few minutes, and make another attempt at astral projection. I rarely had success with astral projection, but I would put in an effort and would often have profound and significant dreams, some of which had a deep emotional impact on me that I carry to this day. After the night, we would discuss our experiences from the night, and some of us would stay around and have a pancake breakfast.

Becoming a teacher

One concept covered in the Journey to Enlightenment course is helping others, specifically helping people spiritually. One way to do that was to become a teacher. People who decided to become teachers had gained a lot from the practices and wanted to take their learning to the next level.

After graduation from college in 2008, I decided that I wanted to become a teacher for The Gnostic Movement. I drove out to Vancouver, where a small group had just started, and began the teacher training. I was required to adhere to a higher standard of behavior, as my actions would now reflect on The Gnostic Movement, for better or for worse. These standards included being loyal to The Gnostic Movement, not getting drunk or using mind-altering substances, and if in a relationship, being serious and committed to it. In short, the requirements were similar to what would be expected by a respectable employer. Beyond a basic set of standards, individuals were encouraged to be upright individuals in every way, as that is part of the “Gnostic Work”.

Lessons Learned as a Teacher

One of the first things I became involved in when training to become a teacher was web development. I was tasked with making sure a newsletter design displayed consistently across different email clients. It was frustrating and finicky, but it was my first introduction to web development in a professional setting. A couple years later, I became involved in another web development project, shortly after which I became a full-time freelance web developer, a profession I still practice and enjoy. After some time, I moved to Berkeley and took over running the blog for the Gnostic Center there. I was given a lot of autonomy, and experimentation was encouraged. I improved the blog over time, learning design, photography and development skills that I still use today. The most important thing I learned in running the center blog, however, was the value of taking ownership for a project, improving it, and paying attention to the details that make it great.

During my time as a teacher trainee and as a teacher, I learned a huge variety of skills and came to relish learning new things and using my creative strengths to find new solutions. A non-exhaustive list of skills learned includes:

– Public speaking
– Curriculum development skills
– The value and practice of group collaboration
– Basic electrical work (installing lights)
– Drywall repair
– Carpet installation
– Painting techniques
– Cooking & baking
– Materials acquisition (especially on a tight budget)
– Online advertising and marketing strategies
– Offline advertising strategies (posters, expos, events, etc…)
– Design skills
– Web development skills
– Research techniques
– Real-estate research
– Zoning and building codes
– Crafting skills (bookbinding & candle-making)
– Basic video work (recording, editing)
– Basic audio work
– Event planning
– Fundraising

The thing I appreciated most about being a teacher, however, was the wonderful connections I formed with people. I appreciated meeting a new and diverse group of students, learning from and with them, and the friendships formed with other teachers and members continue to this day. I feel a deep camaraderie with them even though many of us are separated by long distances. Some of my favorite times spent were on retreats in the parks around the Bay Area, or simply sitting at cafés, discussing life.

Attacks on The Gnostic Movement and Belzebuub

When the attacks against The Gnostic Movement started in 2010, I couldn’t understand why someone would say such horrible things against Mark or The Gnostic Movement, since my experience had been so positive.

Confused by accusations whose motivations I couldn’t understand, I found myself praying to my internal father for help and understanding. I saw in that instant that what Belzebuub and The Gnostic Movement had taught me to do was to seek my answers within myself, and to find the truth through my own experience and relationship with the divine. I thought of Jesus’ saying “You will know them by their fruits” and saw how TGM and Belzebuub had enabled me to be more free and independent, while the accusers were inciting fear, discord, chaos, and in some cases causing real damage to people’s personal relationships.

As a result of the lies and accusations, a horrible stigma was cast over me, this fear that if I spoke of anything spiritual or made decisions in a way that I considered spiritual, I could be labeled a ‘brain-washed cult member’, and that it would reflect poorly on me, Belzebuub, and The Gnostic Movement. In our modern culture, there seems to be no worse insult than to be called a cult member, a label which implicitly strips one of free choice and personal responsibility, making them a ‘victim’ and any free speech ‘coerced’, even if it’s authentically what they believe. It was about that time that I stopped openly talking about spiritual things, because of the horrible, indefensible stigma that the ‘cult-member’ label carried with it.

Other Lessons Learned

I continue to practice the techniques from The Gnostic Movement and continue to learn incredible things. These are some of the main takeaways, after years of practice, that I value most:

• Being able to understand and use dreams to guide my direction in life. This has been probably the most wonderful, as I find following guidance from dreams leads me to life experiences where I learn a lot. The other part of this is that dreams have often shown me aspects of myself which I need to change, which has given me a tremendous amount of perspective on myself.
• Handling stressful situations. I have at times been emotional and irrational, but the techniques for self-knowledge have allowed me to reflect on my own stress-causing reactions and to choose different paths.
• Improving personal relationships. With the techniques offered by TGM, I have been able to forgive much more easily and completely, repairing relationships quickly and forming deeper connections, especially with my wife, where our relationship has consistently improved in every way since we got together.
• Understanding my strengths and weaknesses. I’m not perfect, but by knowing myself more I have been able to play more to my strengths, such as problem solving and intelligence, and work around, identify, and deal with my weaknesses, such as poor communication and judgement.
• Being comfortable in my own skin. Before joining the Gnostic Movement I was pretty insecure about myself, and often felt awkward in social situations. I’ve come to understand much more who I am, and become more comfortable with myself, which then manifests as self-confidence and calm, where anxiety and insecurity used to be.
• Adapting to change. Because of the way I live my life, I have moved often and been in uncomfortable situations that have stretched my limits. Being able to find peace in those situations has caused me to grow as a person, and to welcome change more readily.
• Understanding the value of things. I’ve become much less attached to my possessions, and yet also grown to understand the true value of things more, so I acquire the things I need, and less of the things I don’t.
• Becoming more compassionate. This is subtle, because in general I have an analytical and somewhat cold personality, but I’ve noticed I have a lot more care for people going through difficult times.

Hopes for the Future

I wish The Gnostic Movement were around today, and I wish I had done more to protect it so that it could be. In my opinion, there’s no way for someone to get the same balance of information and experiential spiritual learning as there was with the courses and events run by The Gnostic Movement, especially for someone just starting to try things out. The depth of experience possible is something I have not seen elsewhere. I continue to put into practice what I learned through The Gnostic Movement, and it continues to enrich my life. I can only hope that more people will wish to learn about themselves, and will learn to seek spiritual answers through personal experience, as I have learned to do through The Gnostic Movement’s courses and structure. It’s a very sad thing to have seen such a great resource thrive and then die, and I hope to have the opportunity to be a part of something of its nature again some day.

Back to People’s Experiences

I have always searched for what I used to call “the truth of how things are”. Some of my close friends would make fun of me, saying things like “the absolute truth does not exist, everything is relative” etc. But deep down, I felt that just as there were scientific truths (my background was scientific, as I studied Genetics at University), in the same way there must be higher truths, that deal with things as love, relationships, and also our ultimate potential as human beings. I felt that living just for a job, family and maybe some hobbies was not what I wanted from life, but could not quite figure out how to go about finding out.

For a while I focused on art, as I felt there was some sort of intuitive knowledge in it that was different from the intellectual one taught in schools and I also yearned to create something beautiful. So I would put on an inspiring music, set up a still life with interesting textures, or opened a window to study the landscape behind, trying to capture as many nuances of the light and shadow as I could. The time flew by very quickly during these sessions, and I enjoyed the objects coming to life on the paper. I felt a lot of satisfaction from this activity, and would have probably stayed with art for the rest of my life in one way or another, if my life didn’t suddenly take a different course that made me search for spirituality.

After a painful chain of events that made me question the meaning of life in a serious way, I started searching online for answers. Remembering having lucid dreams as a child, I decided to revive these experiences to see if I could get some guidance and answers from there. Eventually, I stumbled upon Mysticweb online courses at the beginning of 2003 and eagerly signed for the Astral Course. The course was just what I needed at that time, written in such a pragmatic, methodical and yet inspiring way that I haven’t seen anywhere else (I have scrolled through many other websites before). I practiced all the exercises of the course and enjoyed chatting with the like-minded people on the course forums and in the online chatroom. Finally, I found the community of people that were into the same things as me; I felt I found my “spiritual home”.

The Astral Course resulted in many conscious astral experiences and also clarified some missing pieces of the puzzle in my understanding. From the course material, and also from my own astral experiences, I started to see there was a vast invisible world existing in parallel with this physical one, and that it was there where all true spiritual knowledge could be gained, similarly as people have been doing since the ancient times. In the same time though, I became aware how there were also certain requirements set up for acquiring this higher type of knowledge, and that I would have to change a lot if I wanted to get to that. With this in mind, I signed for the Self-knowledge course where I was able to learn the basics of self-observation in order to change my deep rooted behaviors and negative states and later on for the Esoteric Course where deeper spiritual issues were addressed.

I was thrilled… It started to be clear to me that I had stumbled upon a true esoteric school, something I haven’t even thought existed in these times. Of course, there were many self-help courses, mindfulness and yoga techniques around even back in those times, but nothing like this. The professional approach, warmth and support from the moderators and undeniable deep knowledge and experience of the author of the courses (whom I was also able to meet in many of my astral and dream experiences where he would give me a personal guidance), verified to me that here I was up to something very real and rare in today’s world. There was nothing now that could take me away from this journey anymore, and I set up to continue with these studies, to dedicate my life to them and see how far I could get…

Gradually, I finished all the courses provided on the website, including the Teachers course, and in July 2007 moved from Europe to the USA to be a part of the Bay Area Gnostic Center. It was there that I was able to interact regularly with the teachers and members of the Gnostic Movement, as well as its founder and spiritual teacher Mark (Belzebuub), who had always struck me as being very calm, perceptive and caring.

I stayed in the center for 5 years, during which a lot of learning took place, and I also learned what a life dedicated to spirituality entailed. From the very first day, I could see the level of dedication the qualified teachers and members of the Gnostic Movement had and how the Center ran solely on donations. I knew before that living a spiritual life meant to live a life of service for others, but here I was able to experience it first-hand and to see what it entailed. I understood that “sacrifice” didn’t just mean sacrificing some comforts in my every-day life in order to bring these teachings to humanity, but also sacrificing some negative inner states in order to be able to do so, and cooperate with the people around me in a more harmonious and loving way. I could see then what a long way this was going to be, as I had many negative inner states holding me back. Nevertheless, I plodded on and after some time become a qualified teacher myself, gaining new opportunities in guiding and teaching others.

During my time with the Gnostic Movement I became involved in many different activities that enriched me not just spiritually, but also on a practical level. For example, I got an opportunity to make a design for a website (Astralweb), something I have never done before, or gained a lot of experience with public speaking, marketing or book publishing. I was also able to use and improve on my graphic design skills by designing many advertising materials including posters, leaflets or banners, and even use my love of drawing in guiding art-related workshops at the center. I also loved creating and managing our Meetup group that allowed me to interact with the like-minded people, many of whom I later met in person during the center activities.

I felt like I was living the life I came here for, fulfilling my true purpose. It was amazing and heart-warming to see people from different walks of life finding these teachings and being in awe, just like I was upon finding them. I liked to listen to their first spiritual experiences, sharing with them the little knowledge I had gained so far and being enriched by theirs. My time at the Bay Area Gnostic Center was the time of brotherhood, service and learning, something I will never forget. Realizing that a school of this level is not around anymore fills me with many regrets, as well as a deep sadness for those who have never had a chance to be a part of it, despite their yearning to find it.

Back to People’s Experiences

I was a member of The Gnostic Movement in Greece and Cyprus, and am sharing some of my experiences with Mark (Belzebuub) and The Gnostic Movement.

Mark’s Character

In 2006, although I was very new in the teachings, I was lucky enough to accompany Mark in Nicosia of Cyprus where he would give the teachings. Once the audience was really large, about 300 new people and they were very keen with the new information and Mark’s (Belzebuub’s) teachings.

So after that lecture, in the afternoon, we gathered all together in the hotel to discuss this and how we’ll go on from then. So Mark posed to us the question, what we could do after this nice result and what we could do in spreading these teachings in Cyprus?

Although I was very new in these teaching, I proposed an idea to connect the Athens center and the audience in Cyprus through internet camera and projector, where we could see and hear each other. Mark was looking and listening to me very carefully which surprised me from the beginning because as I said I was very new and actually, he didn’t know me. Nevertheless, he found the idea very good and it was decided and agreed to be applied to this project in order to spread the teachings in Cyprus like that. This simple and democratic way of Mark gave me a very positive impact. So I felt he was interested clearly according to the value of idea and not about who proposes something.

Another thing that also surprised me during that lecture was that Mark’s body was disciplined with a natural way. His body was calm and still naturally without an effort, giving me the impression that he was a really balanced and disciplined person through the practices and his whole spiritual process. With that way, he was giving a precious teaching to me.

Generally, I like the way that Mark was speaking, the way that he is presenting his ideas and his teachings. He speaks in a very simple, balanced, humble, calm and gentle way, respecting very much the people/students with different ideas, understandings and “strange” questions without any kind of negativity, rudeness and fanaticism. Every time he was speaking and answering positively and presenting new things beyond the narrow way of thinking and egos. So just only from listening to the way he was interacting with the students, it was another real teaching for me and area of searching for me.

Besides, when I was listening to him, actually I was entering in a situation of calmness and clearness, increasing my consciousness level and clarity of my mind. From this aspect when I was simply listening to him through a video or on skype in a weekly talk, it was actually a constructive and spiritual experience and something like a practice of clearness, concentration and mindfulness for me.

He had also a good sense of humor and a very gentle and friendly way.

In a few cases that I had the opportunity to speak with him, he gave me a simple constructive guidance that helped me to understand, overcome the problem and go further.

Another thing that surprised me about 8-9 times is when I was Teacher in Cyprus, at the end of each period of courses, I had the feeling, the need that something should change in the courses in order to be more friendly and accessible to students or to help me at giving the teachings etc. I never shared this feeling with anybody else at all. Surprisingly after a while, I received an update he made on general changes in courses that was very close to what I had seen as the need. In the beginning that this happened, I thought that it just happened by luck. But, as I said, it happened about 8-9 times. So after I felt that somehow Mark had a clear perception, understanding and wisdom of how to refine and coordinate the general running of courses.

Mark very clearly noted to us not to react through any ego against the people who run the unfair smear campaign against him and TGM. So, he passed from the theory to the practical implementation of the teachings which under those hard and difficult times, it was for me the highlight and the quintessence of his teachings. I was astonished and it made on me the best positive impact and it was a clear proof for me that Mark was an authentic man that was living according to what he was teaching.

The Gnostic Movement

TGM always respected the choice of anybody and they were always free to accept or not the new information. So under this perspective it helped me to become more open to new things, ideas, situations and learning from anybody and anywhere in my life.

I can say all these years in TGM, I had deeper understanding about my relationships with other people. So this comprehension helped me to improve my relationship with my family. So I can say it is more balanced, peaceful, with positive feelings and understanding the position and situation of others. I respect the position of others even if I disagree, at least much more than before I received these teachings. So from this aspect, in my family relationship there is a more deep understanding and love than in the past and the teachings of TGM helped me in this direction.

Back to People’s Experiences

I have been seeking the deeper meaning to things ever since I was a kid and had difficulty dealing with authority, unless I personally trusted in them. My logic was, I am a kid asking simple questions, if they cannot be answered by adults, I will keep looking but will not settle for ‘just because I said so or ‘just because it is so’ kind of answers.

I wondered why mainstream religions being similar in the most part, separately claim to have the way to God and insinuate that other religions are doomed for failure because of their differences. I found this troubling, how could it be that God gives some the right and others the wrong path. I questioned the need for religious differences at all!

I came to a conclusion already at a young age, that religion was tarnished by man. For me, truth and faith should be one and the same for all. Then I grew older, got caught up with teenage-hood and stopped asking such questions.

In my mid-twenties after experiencing many things, I became observant of different walks of life and I started feeling dissatisfied within myself again. I felt that truth was yet for me to discover, so I began my search, outside of religion this time, because of what I had already determined as a child, that most religions are based on belief alone. To me belief is subjected to human opinion and interpretation and I wondered where the truth is in that!

So I decided to look into spirituality and new age things. This was in the era when spirituality became trendy and a means to easy money. I was consistently disappointed with the lack of depth everywhere I turned and started to think there was something wrong with me, because everyone around seemed satisfied with their religions etc.

I kept Buddhism as a last resort, if nothing else, because I liked the Zen concept and the respect they have for all living things.

I also thought that if all these different faiths out there are acceptable to society, maybe I could gather truths I encountered along the way and make my own personal religion someday and base it on love.

I attended some Mind Body and Spirit festivals and was disappointed at their focus on commercialism and fortune-telling. Only a wise person that I intuitively trusted, could ever tell me my fortune, I thought. At a festival, I attended a lecture that was interesting, the speaker spoke with great conviction but it was a little too out there for me. Hard to comprehend and a little dark, a pendulum dictated their every move for example, so I left that alone and kept searching.

Around the age of 9, I stared up at the stars and pondered if we are really the only planet with life out there. Earth being one of the billions of stars in the universe, inside me I knew that it was impossible, this made me hungrier for truth. With that memory in mind, I decided to attend a couple of Raelien seminars, where I asked the lecturer, if Raeliens believed in re-incarnation, the answer was no. Life did not make sense without reincarnation for me, I knew that life recycled somehow. It could not be that we only exist once, for around 80 years or so if lucky and that is it. I also wondered why I had such an affinity with several European and other cultures and languages and felt so at home in different places, I considered that maybe I had experienced them before.

I investigated Hinduism a little because reincarnation is part of its belief. I found it fascinatingly different for a religion but complicated, with too many rules and customs for me.

I was looking for something not based on belief that would reveal knowledge to me, about all things living, in a universal way. This doesn’t come up much in religion or new age philosophies. Maybe I was asking for too much, I wondered.

I read a few interesting books like the Road Less Travelled, Out on a Limb, The Celestine Prophesies, some of Castaneda, Kahlil Gibran and Pablo Chaleo and liked them all. I picked out what I thought to be spiritual knowledge from them, but knew they were tiny insights into a much bigger picture.

I heard about Sufiism and Cabalism and found them fascinating too. I liked the numbers in Cabalism but was not drawn to their Islamic and Jewish routes. I realised then that my Christian background still had a pull over me somehow.

I encountered many people involved in reiki, crystal healing, aura therapy etc. and again none of them were all encompassing enough for me. I then attended parapsychology classes, where they had us feeling each other’s auras in the first 30 minutes. I went to two of the paid sessions and decided it was a bit of mumbo jumbo and the teachers lacked depth, so stopped; only to be harassed by phone for weeks afterwards, advising me to return to the classes, that I had something special within me and would benefit from the courses. Naturally, I liked what they said about me being special but was not going back there, especially after their persistence. Disappointed, I left my search alone for few months after that and focused on enjoying and experiencing all sorts of things, looking for fun and satisfaction in life.

Then some sombre weeks followed; where I did not understand my empty feelings. While my friends were out having fun without me, I preferred to stay home and ponder on the mysteries of life again, this time on ancient Egypt, Atlantis and the Incas. One of those nights, sitting on the floor in front of my wardrobe mirror, I asked my reflection. What is going on with me and these feelings I am having? Expecting an answer, I kept staring into my eyes for a long while, until I scared myself back to reality with what I saw, which can only be explained as a moment’s vison into my eternal being. This experience turned my spiritual uneasiness into a gaping hole in my heart, a yearning for nothing less than the truth to everything, like when I was a child. So I pleaded with my eyes in the mirror (my eternal being) to send me a way, a teacher / a guru; someone I would wholeheartedly respect and trust, who would show me how to find truth, in a satisfactory way.

My experience in the Universal Christian Gnostic Movement (UCGM)

One day, while walking on Sydney’s famous Bondi beach, I decided to walk into the pavilion to look on its billboard, on it I found a simple orange flyer, with a large pentagram line drawing on it, it was an invitation to a free Esoteric Course. I thought that sounds great, it’s free and I liked the word Esoteric, even though I was not sure of its meaning. I took the flyer and put in the book I was reading at the time (The Fourth Way by Ouspensky, a student of Gurdjieff) a heavily intellectual book divulging a lot of information.

I was so tired of disappointment that it took me 3 weeks before I found the courage to call the number on that flyer. I told myself, if I liked the sound of the person on the other side of the phone, I would attend, give it a shot and if at any time I felt anything dodgy, l would quit, just as I had done many times before. So I did, I called. The person who picked up the phone was Mark, and he spoke slowly and clearly. What impressed me most was that he listened attentively to my questions and answered them completely and with depth. His simplicity, humbleness and generosity was music to my ears. I had to meet this individual, so I attended the course even though it had begun a few weeks prior.

I was awestruck for the first time in my life and couldn’t wait for the next lecture. Doubt did kick in for a moment because the entire course being free and me being so awestruck. I decided I would trust myself, and keep going for as long as it felt right.

Weeks later I got to meet Mark, the man on the phone. His lecturing method was simple and direct to the point, with longish pauses in between and bursts of humour here and there that would light up the room. He got his points across immediately. For the first time ever, I was learning so many profound things and understood them instantly, it became knowing, like the info was there to be had all along and best of all, little belief was required. I was determined to keep going for as long as it felt right and hoped already in the first course, that one day, I too, could pass on this precious information to others.

I did not attend the course alone, I took two of my closest friends with me, one of whom never had a spiritual inclination before. For me and most other attendees, it was spot on and we could not get enough. I remember she would annoyingly shake her leg in the lectures, trying to come to terms with things she had never contemplated before. I would often poke her knee to make her stop.

The class room was so clean and basic, there were 20 or so chairs and a table covered in a blue cloth in the front, and a white board with stick drawings and bullet points at each lecture and that was it. Everything I needed was right there and the info was so profound, true and beautifully delivered.

After a few weeks of the course, a spotlessly clean practice room with cushions on the floor was opened to us and we started doing the coolest practices.

The centre always smelled divine of resin incense, what a mystical smell. I remembered my plea and knew then, that my eternal being had sent me the gurus I had asked for and marvelled and was grateful, realising how mysteriously life was unfolding for me.

I read all the books my teachers endorsed and did some of the newly taught practices at home. Wow! I was blown away some more. All the practices worked for me in some form or another and Samael Aun Weor and Rabolu’s books were truthful and interesting, I could not believe it. I love Samael’s Latin severity and Rabolu’s simplicity, I felt at home with them, it was like they were talking to me.

The courses were entirely free! I was temping and in between jobs at the time, therefore money was always a struggle for me. Fantastic, where can one find all this and for free nowadays!

This is without a doubt what I had been looking for all my life.

I attended one of their courses after another and never got tired or disappointed by any of it. All the while, my husband-to-be, was in each class doing the same thing, for two years we only greeted each other. Until one day when our chemistry met somehow. I hardly knew him and didn’t expect that to happen. Steeve and I were married 6 months later to our family’s pleasant surprise. Together our lives revolved around these teachings, striving for mindfulness and psychological improvement all the time. Life’s changes were not easy but they were good, for us both!

Sometime later the UCGM organisation closed down and we carried on with the new organisation called The Gnostic Movement (TGM) that Belzebuub and other members founded.

My experience with The Gnostic Movement (TGM)

I started attending the courses run by Belzebuub when he was running courses under the UCGM organisation.

I somehow did it! I became a teacher, a very humbling experience. Steeve did too! Then we both became members of the organisation and formed part of its board.

The internal work grew harder as responsibilities increased but we had each other and we enjoyed what we were doing, with Mark’s guidance and permission, Steeve and I soon opened our first centre together in the outskirts of Melbourne. Then an opportunity came up to go overseas to do the same, we jumped at it.

We moved to Montreal around a year later and started study groups immediately, later to open the first centre in Montreal, where we lived for 6 years. It was a wonderful experience and for me, learning a new language (French) came naturally, I was speaking it in 4 months, to my surprise. We met so many wonderful English and French speaking people in the courses and we remember them dearly.

Mark was invited to attend a retreat that Steeve and I organised in Quebec in 2004. It was great, I have very clear memories of that retreat. I realised then how deeply spiritual Mark/Belzebuub is.

I remember he sat in my very first and only lecture I gave in French to a Montreal study group, where I had no choice but to substitute Steeve (French speaker) who was obligated to work that evening. I kept switching from French to English striving to get the very important points across properly, it was a challenge alright and my most esteemed teachers were physically present, I will never forget that!

Steeve and I moved to London after Montreal, we were asked to assist the centre there that was going through a rough patch. A few of the former teachers and students there had been asked to leave the organisation. They soon became self-proclaimed enemies of the movement, plotting and doing everything in their power to dissolve everything they had endorsed and taught for years. I was in disbelief, how can anyone go from one extreme to another in a matter of months? In fact, I still don’t get it. So much hatred, like something snapped within them and they could not see clearly anymore, it worsened each day as they negatively encouraged each other and others. They then proceeded to contact and impose their distorted opinions on some European students on an individual basis.

Poisonous words contaminate very easily, I quickly learned!

We should not let discrediting campaigns put us off and miss out on an exceptional opportunity.These ancient teachings are the same, in fact better and easier to follow in these times with Belzebuub’s books and articles.

The teachings provided an endless journey into personal self-development, in more ways than one can ever imagine, they opened doors to knowledge locked within oneself, doors that continued to open for as long as we kept practicing and asking earnest and honest questions internally, about life, death, the universe and beyond. Yes! One got the tools to learn it all, a very special opportunity, a quest for truth!

The knowledge and its understanding come to us gradually in very natural and individual doses, internally and personally, through our own intellect and intuition, there was nothing scary about it!

In all my years being part of the organisation, there was no intrusion, nothing was ever enforced on us. There was no brain washing, I vouch for that honestly and confidently!

Unfortunately though, some attendees had malicious intentions, they were not interested in practicing and understand the free knowledge given. They attended only to vent furiously and spoil things for others and / or benefit physically and egoistically.

Why, one asks oneself; well here are some reasons and TGM has experienced them all:

• Some people like to play the devil’s advocate, just for the sake of it, in some cases literally unfortunately, whether they know it or not.
• Some participate for fraudulent reasons, to steal and profit from the data given freely, in turn trashing it and deluding others and themselves. Not only have some stolen the author’s data but mocked and slandered him first, then used it for themselves to profit from financially, interestingly deceitful twist.
• Some vent for the fun of it, with nothing to lose, safe and anonymous in the comfort of their home, in front of a screen, where no one can do the same to them.
• Some defame because of hatred, fear, pride and many other egoistical and cowardice reasons.

There are some people with ill intentions, only interested in fulfilling their own agendas no matter the consequence to others. This is not news to anybody, general acts of kindness are a rarity and brutality a norm nowadays, and we need only watch the news to see that.

The most disturbing thing about slander is that it’s very effective at polluting the perception of others, i.e. readers who search the web for something profound and good, yearning for inner peace and wanting to make sense of life and it all, wanting to opening doors to truth, common sense and understanding, all of which was found and experienced with Belzebuub’s teachings.

Smearing data causes readers to quickly slam shut perfectly good open doors, where we can learn about love, relationships, inner peace and so much more. Then faced with slander we are jarred with fear once more, fear already ingrained in us all, by fear-mongering societies. Wherever we turn, we are handed small doses of fear, on TV, in the media, at work, in the desire to “keep up with the Joneses”. Through politics, fear-mongering is everywhere.

I always held this utopic idea of being part of a mystical school, in a castle surrounded by nature somewhere. I am a bit of a dreamer sometimes and was laughed at when I originally expressed this idea. However I persisted, knowing that I am excellent at finding good deals and when I focus, I can make things happen, so I kept this vision and search for the castle going.

My husband and I visited Edinburgh on the way to Canada years back, encouraged by stories of the centres that were once there. We found Edinburgh to be an awesome and unique place. It has kept the old world gothic charm like no other place. You can feel the past and its mysteries in its architecture, nature and gloomy weather. The admiration for Edinburgh stayed with us, so Steeve and I decided and got permission to leave London and start a study group in Edinburgh.

Not letting go of the castle centre idea though, I finally found an Estate on equestrian acreage, made of castle ruins including one of the original towers intact. I did the math and it worked out to be a place we could afford and was close enough to Edinburgh city. Given the go ahead, Steeve and I invited colleagues from the London centre to join us in Edinburgh so we could make it all happen. This is how the Edinburgh retreat centre was born and the London centre was closed.

Some inspiring retreats were held there. Steeve and I were only present for two of them. I was privileged to run one in Christmas 2010, it had a different feel, not as disciplined as some would have liked, but myself and others really enjoyed it, it had a light heartedness to it, where the focus was on bringing out the inner child within.

After a long and treacherous search I finally found these teachings and to me, they are the real deal! As far as I am concerned, we found a raw diamond amongst ordinary pebbles through TGM, take it or leave it, the choice was ours alone and now sadly because of defamation campaigns against Belzebuub and TGM, his teachings are much harder to find.

Finding them is a journey in itself, a journey towards clarity and strength of character.

We feel blessed and grateful. Thanks to Belzebuub and his teachings, we appreciate and understand life and ourselves better and have so much knowledge to fall back on and truths continue to unfold for us naturally. The teachings are a priceless gift, one which keeps giving!

I am devastated that spiritual development opportunities like I and many others once had within the organisation, has come to an end, with the closure of the organisations, which, in most part, is due to the defamation campaign against Belzebuub, over a number of years. A soul finding opportunity lost for many! Even though I hardly participate in group activities anymore, I am still in so much awe of Belzebuub’s great work, to me there is no other esoteric wisdom on earth that matches it. I could write a book explaining why.

I feel that when faced with the opposing opinions, the good is often rubbished more than the bad, in this soul repressing era. The teachings are a world apart from anything else that one can find out there.

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